Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Post 9-Those Behind Your Sympathy and Love are Neither Sympathetic, Nor Lovely

The End of it!


Oh, and keep clicking guys!


She snidely asked why I wasn't reorganizing our very unpopular candle section, and pointed out that I had flipped the envelopes the exact opposite way they were meant to go according to Hallmark tradition and 'customer ease'. I wanted to say something to get her off my ass so badly that I accidentally muttered a bit out loud, and she swerved to face me, nearly knocking me over with her surgically attached moonscape. I then saw the second most terrifying thing in my life (the first being a rapid dog trying to tear my arm off), a woman both angry and embarrassed.
“Oh...fuck...”
I don't know what kind of chemical reactions take place within the female body and I never intend to find out, but what I saw was nothing like what they told me in chemistry class or health and wellness. She stomped and as the ground quaked she erupted.
Her red hair flew upward like lava spewing from a volcano (who I now refer to as her nicer sibling) as she verbally abused me, insulting my work ethics, incompatibility with the store's atmosphere, and overall inadequacy as a man. She destroyed me thoroughly and utterly, and to this day I remember how empty the store was because all the customers had managed to escape the danger by fleeing elsewhere. She even steamed. From her ears.
Incredible.
And so it was that my luckily short and, sadly, very revealing time at Hallmark ended. As I picked up my things and walked out the door, I turned and said to the barely walking time-bomb:
“Thank you for your time.”
What? Expected anger?

I'm the guy who worked at Hallmark.

18 comments:

  1. Hahaha nice ending bro. Also loving the Dice 20 on your profile pic Good times.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Kind of happy ending.. I guess... It doesnt work like that here I am afraid, you yell at anyone at work you get arrested and sued.. Or at least thats my unfortunate experience of being yelled at by my managers... Had too sit through hours of police investigation because someone reported my manager yelling at me, and I had to explain I didn't really care..

    needless to say I lost my job.

    ReplyDelete
  3. symphaty love is never easy to deal with

    ReplyDelete
  4. Excellent post man! Was a really interesting read! thanks for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Great post! Keep up the good blogging it will eventually pay off!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Bet Hallmark don't do a card for that one.

    ReplyDelete
  7. great stuff, following you now. i hope you keep it up :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Aww that's the end?

    bigunicorn.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  9. Great story haha. Check out my new blog, puzzledyet.blogspot.com if you haven't already!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Womans chemicals in my eyes
    Chocolate = good mood, they like you
    no chocolate = bad mood, angry

    ReplyDelete
  11. I hate hallmark, those motherfuckers invent new holidays all the time then I GET IN TROUBLE for not knowing about "Appreciate your neighbour's porch day" or whatever shit they think up next.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I was expecting more from the ending, but it oddly fits.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Still clickin away serfin the web! keep em comin

    ReplyDelete
  14. Still haven't had time to read all the post. But man this is a good blog!!

    ReplyDelete